By William Freedman
There can be only one. And, in case you couldn’t tell by just those deep, dazzling eyes, it’s Charlize Theron. You could argue the point, but you’d be wrong.
If you don’t believe me, then let’s put her to the test. There’s a game I invented called “Charlize Theron could ________, and I’d still want to __________.” All you have to do to get started is name a movie she’s been in.
We begin with her most recent adventure, Mad Max: Fury Road.
“Charlize Theron could be bald, missing an arm, and have a truck-full of lovelies half her age in tow, and I’d still want to take her out dancing.”
I know what you’re thinking: Her latest genre film was The Huntsman: Winter’s War. But that is more of a mis-adventure. The only reason it didn’t get the razzing it deserved is that Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice came out just two weeks prior. But let’s consider Snow White and the Huntsman and go there.
“Charlize Theron could suck the youth out of the entire kingdom, get my hopes up about the resurrection of the love of my life then dash those hopes, and I’d still want to cook her a gourmet dinner set on a tablecloth strewn with rose petals.”
Let’s skip The Road. Too depressing. But I’d still hand the last can of lima beans humanity would ever produce over to her without a second thought.
Which brings us to Hancock.
“Charlize Theron could’ve dumped me 80 years ago after three millennia together, and her mere presence could strip away all my superpowers, and I’d still want to serenade her on a gondola as a Venetian sunset reflects off the canals.”
One more, and then I got to go do something else. Aeon Flux.
“Charlize Theron could be the clone of my plague-ridden wife, obsessed for the past 400 years with killing me, and I’d still want to write a thousand sonnets describing her shoulder blades.”
We haven’t even talked about her non-fantasy/SF work. Maybe some other time (I could write a whole post just on Monster). But if you know of other celebrities who could stand up to this scrutiny, tell us about it. Leave a comment, and maybe we’ll give them the same treatment.